Why is it we all are so obsessed with our body image? What makes some of us OK with what we have/don’t have and some of us nit pick every detail?
I am not sure. One thing I can tell you is intelligence is a curse here. I have done a lot of research into what makes people choose to alter their appearance. Usually, it stems from a deep rooted past issue with something, either being overweight as a child and being teased, to feeling ugly and obsessing to look like a waif fashion model, to thinking your penis is the same size it was when you were 12 and being addicted to Enzite.
We all have our issues. Nobody is 100% happy with their looks. It is reality, we all judge the book by the cover. We don’t even do it on purpose.
When babies are about 6 months old, they will start to judge their family members based on their appearance and facial expressions. Mom is definitely different than sister, and so on.. We keep that inherent judgemental facility, even as teens and adults, we just try to overlook it and be fair to our fellow humans. But, admit it, as nice a person as you are, you instantly will surmise something about someone when you first see them. You may not hold on to it, but you DO in fact, judge them.
Where am I going with this? Well, let’s talk about being naked. Yep, some of you won’t be naked in front of anyone in the next weeks, months, years, and some of us, well, will be naked in front of thousands, today, tomorrow, and for years to come.
What makes someone sexy? What makes them attractive? What makes someone want to find out more about a person, or maybe just enough to have sex with them?
Initially, it is the judgement. First look. First impression. Maybe you find it overall acceptable, that you want to dig deeper and go further. I am only going to give my perspective from a woman’s side here.
For women, when men look upon them, I believe for most, the mother figure is what comes into play, either consciously, or subconsciously. Men love motherly women. Maybe most won’t admit it, but you have heard it before, guys like girls to “take care of them” in a somewhat maternal way. I have enough “mommy fantasies” requested on my webcam that I can assure you, this is extremely (extremely) common.
So how does one determine, on first look, who will be motherly and who won’t? Well, for the masses, a voluptuos woman with big breasts and a round ass suggests they have had children, and are fertile, or would be. A motherly figure, mating material. This is primal stuff, people, not going on logic, morality, or even the minority of what guys like.
Not to say all men like curvy women, but the majority rules here. If that were not true, the huge desire for all things “boob” would not be at the forefront of our current culture. And, because of the ease and availability for even 18 year old GIRLS to get breast implants, have further ingrained into our culture that the big breast, rules. The big breast is sexy, the big breast, whether real or fake, makes a “woman”. It’s everywhere. From porn to beer ads, to everything in between. Where men are concerned, a boob or two, will sell them nearly anything.
So much so, in fact, I read a poll recently where guys who actually liked different kinds of women : skinny, small breasted, tattooed, somewhat masculine, whatever, would not admit it but will instead date and even marry a more conformational girl in the desire to please his friends and colleagues. Trophy Wife. Would rather conform than be ousted by his friends.
Now some men, are confident enough to of course date, and eventually marry them and live happily ever after. That’s awesome. I find this is more common in non metropolitan areas though. Coming from LA and the CA Beach area, Barbie and Ken rule the streets. Everyone looks like they just stepped out of Baywatch or Calvin Klein ads, and it’s rediculous. You will be outright dismissed, if you don’t! Enough trips to the beach and bars when I was younger, was enough to make me stop going. It’s outright rediculous. I never “fit in”, and I never was one of the “cool girls” or the “hot girls” #truth.
So where does this lead into someone who sells their body image for a living? Hmm hard call. Using myself as an example; I am definitely non conformist. I have bush. Small natural tits. Big obnoxious nipples. Skinny. Not your typical pornstar, and yes, I am reminded of this in a not very polite way, daily.
Do I have “fans” (I hate that word but whatever).. YES!! AND I APPRECIATE EVERY ONE OF YOU NON CONFORMIST GENTS! Good for you, that you are not afraid to like what YOU like. #majorbrowniepoints.
Would I have more fans and more bookings, sell more shows, and make more money if I were a conformist, got a boob job, and shaved my bush off or at least to a landing strip? Probably!!
Does this make me sad? Sometimes!!
Although, I can’t fight the masses. It seems to only really bother me (a lot or a little depending on my mood LOL) when I have to compete with girls who ARE conformist, and they always win. It bothers me when I refuse to wear a bikini at a public beach because I don’t want to be judged. It bothers me when someone says “where are your tits?” (guys can be so mean) from behind a computer screen, and “why don’t you get boobs” from a producer’s desk… It bothers me when I don’t get booked for stuff because producers expect a “woman of my age” to have big or fake breasts. Does it crush me? No. But it is rather annoying to constantly be fighting “the system”, and rather exhausting to have to defend my non-conformist self. Oh well. That’s life.
BUT on the other hand, when I am not worn down by the doubters, haters, and regular people of the regular world, I am happy that I do inspire younger teen girls who email me about being a pornstar to, well…stay natural. That to me is a win for the girl team. I am always against younger girls changing their bodies, and against them doing something for guys and not themselves. It’s just bad all around. I tell them to wait till they are 25 then see how they feel. Most end up staying.. natural.
Truth be told though? Have I ever considered a boob job? HELL YES!! Every week!! Why? Well, for one, I am in the business of my image, and my image is subjective to the masses. See above. Also, it would be really awesome to need to wear a bra someday.. LOL. Also, because maybe I really want to experience having someone look at me like I was a woman and not a girl. Body dysmorphia here? Probably. But look into your own soul and tell me you don’t have one somewhere too. If you don’t.. then you rock, and if you do.. you’re not alone.. I’m right there with you, looking myself up and down in the mirror.. and wondering what others see.. ;o)
xoxo Heidi
